My Not So Interesting Life

MARK JOSEPH GOT TO NUMBER 28! In case you'r wondering who the hell he is, hes a singer guy with a fit supporting band. Iv seen him live. WEll, that is if you count milton keynes shopping centre. He was doing a gig promo thing and we all bought his single (the fact that it was 99p had nothing to do with it obviously. And the fact that him and his band memebrs were all good looking had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with it) cough cough cough
AND we got their autographs too. lol, Hollis, being the silly bint that she is , when asked, "who do u want it out to?" she replied, "Me, i mean, Hollis, that is" So dear old Hollis ended up with a message saying. TO ME (HOLLIS) MARK JOSEPH.

OOOH! Iv had 178 hits on my site. hehe, is my life really that not-so-interesting? BTW, when my PC got moofed, the d of e diary got wiped.
BUT HAVE NO FEAR! Its safely on back-up disks. ha, clever me. IM going to put it on a seperate site soon.
Til then

My silly PC has been moofing up on me so i havent been able to get on the internet for a few days. Noo! My only contact with the outside world! But, as you can see, im now back online, back on track and ready to release the inner recesses of my mind. Scary.
Yesterday i went to Jims house for a partay. Yeah! I was actually allowed out! That may be down to the fact that i got a whooopdeedoodah mark for my French. (By the way, well done to all the fast track frenchies. Dude marks all round!)
ANyway, the party was great. I had a burger with Pickles. Yum. I like pickles.
And we went to this field that my and Stophig had been to in April and saw the very same horse taht we saw in April! Its a little shetland with a mullet thats so huge that it seems physically impossible for such a small horse to carry it on its head. Aww bless. Then it went and did its trick which had makes this particular horse so special. It went and shoved its head through the fence and subsequently got "stuck" LMAO! It cracks me up every time, jeez, i love this horse!
Its little head with its huge hair in between two planks of wood. Then Lane had the decency to try and free it. Dam him and his ... decency. Actually, hes a Zoe-beating bully. I have a bruise on my arm that looks like Ive drawn on my arm in pemanent marker and then tried to scrub it off with spirit. (Which Iv never done before cough cough)
BTW, if any of you hear about a dude called Mark Joseph. I HAVE SEEN HIM LIVE! lol, well, he was doing a gig in MKShoping centre. That counts. His music is nice. His bass guitarist is nicer. lol, so what if we only bought the single so we could get their autographs?
Anyway, best be off, i have a craving for some bread. mmm bread.

HAH! I had a few friends round my house and we spent a day shopping. It was great -even tho my money supply is now non existent. The highlight was definitly coming out of John Lewis and realising that we were in the middle of a Lego convention. Did we cover our faces and run away? Did we pretend that we were too old for Lego?
NO WE DID NOT!
We unashamedly went to one of the small tables avec small stools (very small stools -my knees were up to my ears) and started on our own Lego creations. After my own lego McDonalds idea went a bit .... wrong, we decided to put our creative effforts together to make some bizzare house complete with flame torches and "cool little dude" inside. ( My Mcdonalds tillperson!) It was great and we were so proud as we compared ours to the other pathetic houses that the other children had made. THen we saw this huge empire state building model that one of the kids had "made" (*cough* no help from their dad, mum and uncle bob at all *cough*) I do believe that was CHEATING!
We were having a blast even though we received many stares and glances. Ok, granted that our ages combined made more than all the children around us put together but hey, theres a child in all of us. And sometimes its a very young child.....
Halfway into making our creation, i was tapped on the shoulder. Expecting to have to reply: "Thorry, but me and my friendth have the mental age of thixth ," (then followed by some Oscar Winning acting) i turned around and came face to face with Dodo and Machete! aka Jo and Hannah T. Heh, as if the fact that the roof of our Lego house had just collapsed wasnt bad enough, i had been SEEN rummaging in the Lego box (what? I was trying to find a red 4square!)
Fortunately, Jo and Hannah are very open minded about my behaviour. Yay!

Im sitting here with a big piece of steak. Trying to type and eat at the same time. And its hell trying to get gravy off the keyboard by the way. TIP: Use a plate not a makeshift mousemat. Ha, my mother would have a fit if she saw i wasnt eating with a plate. Oooh this is fun being in the house by myself. At night. All alone..... WHAT WAS THAT CREAKING NOISE? oh dear, scenes from slasher flicks appearing in my head. Run Zoe Run! Ha, Id face the killer bravely (with my steak) and then scream bloody murder and get the hell out of there.
Mmmmm this steak is nice.
lol, how much of a pig do i sound. Get this quote " You can eat lyk a horse and you wont gain weight" .... Thats nice to hear Lila.
Actually, i do believe I eat more than a horse.......... yum, grass.

Hehe, everyone get this. I apologise in advance to these two unfortunate people who I have picked on today.
WHO THINKS RYAN DIGGLE SHOULD ASK HOLLIE HOWE OUT? (PS, they are usually referred to as Dumbass and Hollis)
lol, everyone in favour read the question. Wow, thas just about everyone. See, i was right all along. *smug*
Hehe, boy are they in for a shock when they read this, Iv just told them Iv put up important statistics that they must see.
Sorry dudey poos. *halo*
Ha, and they thought i wouldnt dare post it up. In the words of the dude people at Nike who may i mention are my closest frieds-Ive been in that shop so many times, theyd probably kno my name - "JUST DO IT"
Peace Out (meaning dont throttle me please)

Back from PIsa. Was too hot. pleh, the first time I've dripped before. Eurgh. lol. Pisa was almost uneventful after checking out the leaning tower (it really is leaning!). OOH! I elbowed an old lady in the eye. I didnt mean to, i was putting on my jacket thingy and she walked into me! Biatch.
OMG. one thing i totally forgot about Prague. I WENT TO A GAY BAR!!! NOt intentionally of course. I was with the family and my cousins friends family so it was a mutual mistake. It was empty and looked like a perfectly normal place so we went in, had drinks. Then it started to fill up and all these men came in. Some were actually pretty fit too lol. Then too many men came in and the whole place had some kind of testsosterone vibe to it. Then we realised that the fairy lights on the door were not there just for some post-christmas decoration. Whoops.

Ive added a counter majiggy thing. Hopefully it works....... dam computers and their complexity. Please read my Prague entry below.

Prague- The city where you encounter dancing hobos, Justin lookalikes and German guys and the Tourists reign supreme.

Prague was great. It’s a city full of culture, architecture and TOURISTS. The place is teaming with tourists! Its wonderful when you know that you’re not the only that’s studying the map in the middle of the street. Also once you know your way around quite well you have a strange desire to laugh and scorn at the new tourists who are scrutinising their maps and scratching their heads confusedly…. Just me? Ok then.
Tourists are great. It’s so relieving to hear a Brit accent once in a while! I was “konichiwa–ed” (spelling) several times so I just replied in my “well proper” English accent – “You wot?”
There were so many Europeans but most of the tourists were German. No, german boys in fact. Rats, one of the languages I cant say, “You are Fit-t!” in.
Heh, talking of German boys. I got to the Airport in Prague and whilst queing for passport control, in the queue next to me was a whole school (about 30 lol) of german boys. I think they were some kind of sports team as they were all wearing shorts and had toned muscles. Hey hey. Lol, all the other queues were neatly behind the white line as the signs had said. (In Czech, English, French, Spanish, German and every other language under the sun) However, all the German dudes were piling over the line in their thousands each equipped with a big rod. (Heh forgot to mention they had hockey/lacrosse stick things with them). Ive decided I'm going to teach myself German…. and Czech, and Swedish, and Nordic, and Polish, and Greek lol, its going to be a busy summer.

Trust me to go to Prague in the heat-wave. I heard it got to around 30 degrees in England. Well in Prague it was 35  However, the hot weather meant one thing, topless dudes. And, if I'm lucky, topless dudes in shorts. (NB my condition has been described as “hormonal” apparently.) It was soooo hot and hardly any of the decent shops have air conditioning.
Talking of shops. OMG the Mango in Prague is hu-owge! Its like a converted town hall. No Joke. I even took a pic of me at the entrance. Lol, Now I can say I've been to the MK Mango, the Prague Mango and the Barcelona Mango. Wahey, my Mango Pilgrimage has developed!
However, once you step out into the street, you get ambushed by people trying to sell you concert tickets to music recitals. Hehe, there was a man called Juba. Yes, we did in fact go to one and I actually kinda fell asleep. I was in the front row as well LOL. Not my fault tho, it was hot and it was actually the Twilight Hour in England. (for those of you who don’t know what my Twilight Hour is, it’s the period between 2:50 and 3pm that I suddenly become incredibly drowsy in. Yes, some of you have observed this at school)

One of my best memories of Prague was the street artists. We stood for an hour watching a dude called Jimmy sing, play guitar, drum and harmonica AT THE SAME TIME. It was great cos he was American and kept singing songs in English! He soon had 100 or so people gathered around in a huge circle clapping and singing along. However, the mood rapidly changed when a random tramp got up and started dancing and miming in the middle of the circle. At first we thought he was part of the act (a very strange part of the act seeing that he kept pretending to pump something into his veins.) But then Jimmy stopped singing and gestured at him to get lost cos he was in front of Jimmy’s guitar case (money pot) and was everybody was too scared shitless to go and put money in.
So drunk-random-hobo-dude sat down after another dance (BTW, I must demonstrate these dances to you guys some day. Lol, strange how I can easily picture myself pratting about in the b-park looking like a fool…)
One nice thing tho, someone got up and gave the hobo a coin and the hobo put in Jimmy’s case. Ha, blatant cry for attention. OOOH, whilst I was stood there, I was surrounded by 2 Justin Timberlake lookalikes. One was N-Sync, curly hair JT and the other was post N-sync. Hell, a lot of guys looked like JT. Maybe it’s a German-Czech thing.
Oh dear, I've prattled on for quite a bit now so I’ll end with my fave phrases that I was asked.
(On a pub menu board) “ We offer many specialities of cold and warm kitchen” - *confused*
(On the plane) “Coffee, please? Coffee, please?” (instead of would you like some coffee?) -may I note they shove the pot right in your face while asking. Yes, the pot is full of HOT liquid and the plane is rather unsteady, its enough to petrify even the bravest.

That’s about it for Prague. I'm going to Pisa on Tuesday, maybe my newly acquired German phrase will help. (phrase, not phrases, I haven’t had time lol) Hmm Pisa is in Italy, maybe I should learn some Italian first?
Have a nice rest-of-your-summer-hols

PS. I got a respectable tan so goodbye pasty white skin and hello sunburn! Lol, actually I was clever, factor 25 and no burns. Yay!

Tomorrow I'm leaving the house at 4 am which is kinda like term time, except three hours earlier. I'm off to Prague for 4 days on a “family holiday” Whoopdeedoo. Heh, just when my biological clock is set to getting up at 10 in the morning I'm getting up at half three. Yep, life’s like that.
Yesterday, my mother was poring over a copy of The Times which my dad buys religiously every day. She says, “Hmm, he looks a lot nicer without that blond hair, but still quite common”
Now my mother is only this pleasant when talking about one person, who just happens to be one of the loves of my life. Orlando Bloom.
LOL, the computer is underlining his name in red suggesting that he be called Roland. Hmm.. Roland Bloom…. doesn’t quite have that ring….
Anyway, I looked to see this so called “improved” Orlando and there he is. On the front cover of the Culture magazine, looking a little bit like Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen (spelling?) but nonetheless still very Orlando Bloom-esque. Yum. And it was my lucky day seeing that there was a double page spread about him and his new film Pirates of The Caribbean. YAY. It has Johnny Depp in it who is also yum, even though he looks rather bizarre with his beard in the film. Hmm, Johnny Depp has had a thing for looking weird in cult films. He went for the white face, black hair, blades-for-fingers look in Edward Scissorhands and now this straggly beard, eye patch, look-at-me-I’m-a-pirate look. Needless to say, he pulls both of them off rather well despite the obvious drawbacks –namely the scissors and that god forsaken beard.
But enough about Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom (for the sake of the male readers.) Talking about male readers. Please note, if I ask you “how’s it hanging?” and you reply “long and floppy” (like a certain person did – Farmer, you know who you are!) Please forgive my delirious laughter/shocked scream/sudden departure
I hope you all have a good Zoë-free 4 days. Enjoy it while it lasts, I’LL BE BACK SOON!

*sending out the love to all the groupies* lol

Chapter 4- The Final Chapter- PART 1

After everyone had rested we were off again and as we continued we passed the place where we would have been 30 minutes ago if the stile had been where it was meant to be! After more minutes of exhausting torture, when our walk had become a mind-numbing march along the cracked road, we finally reached SunnyBrook Farm, which was promptly renamed as “Sunny-bloody-brook Farm”
We had to write a short message of the group’s status and estimate a time of when we would get back. Hmm, was that with or without shortcuts? We were already an hour behind schedule so it was decided that we must be ‘forced’ to take a shorter route. Now, which one to take without being noticed, that was the question. A question that could easily be answered by one member of the group- the Slacker.
“Zoë, we need a route that will cut at least a kilometre off of our route and we can’t be seen. Any ideas?”
The expert then rapidly formed a woodland route that was complete with excuses if we were caught. We then wrote our note for Dr Wall and tacked it around a lamppost with enough cello-tape wrapped around it to hold a car to the post.

As we walked along the road we took a left onto a woodland path that appeared to take us in a circle and we ended up only a few feet away from where we had started. Not very helpful. We carried on walking and reached a large field. Our map said that we needed to walk through the metal gate that was in front of us and walk another hour to get to Green Park. However the keen eyes in our group noticed a few familiar sights nearby. Very nearby. Two white poles in the shape of an H stuck out from behind some trees and then after looking again, we recognised certain large white tents. It was Green Park!!! We were then faced with a choice. Should we go down the long way or take a shortcut through the fields to get there in 10 minutes? Yes, we were stressed, sleepy and a teensy bit sweaty (God bless the inventor of anti-perspirant) but we were not stupid. We all made our way across the field, amidst a football match and towards the rugby H that seemed to shine like a holy cross… only, in the shape of an H…

It was quiet apart from the passing cars and the cow-field adjacent to the main camping area was completely still. The trees swayed slightly in the breeze but the field was empty. Then, suddenly, a figure dashed from behind one of the trees with its arms and legs flapping around as it struggled to run. It reached the next tree and tried to hide behind it which proved not to be successful seeing that the large bulk on its back stuck out from behind the tree like a sore thumb. It cautiously peered out from behind the branches to observe the people in the main camping field before signalling to the others to continue.
Yes, this was actually Group 11 doing their famous Chameleon impression also known as Of-Course-We’re-Not-Taking-A-Shortcut act. After we had crossed the football field safely we realised that we were in the cow field next to Green Park and we could clearly see several groups collapsed on the grass in the main field. That when the thought struck us. If we could see them, they could see us. And with our bright yellow camping mats and bright hats, we would hardly become one with Nature’s colour scheme. So that’s how we ended up making our way through the field, running from tree to tree as fast as our heavy bags and baggy trousers would allow us whilst humming the Mission Impossible theme tune. In fact some may say that we were like streaks of lightning… only with baseball caps.

We knew that it would hardly look natural to just appear magically out of the cow field so we decided to be clever and make our way round the slightly longer way so it looked like we were coming from the back entrance. That appeared to be the first, last and only time Group 11 took the longer route voluntarily. As we walked up the last path the D of E song was shouted –Bob the Builder Style
“Group 11! Will we walk it?”
“Group 11! No we won’t!”
“Group 11! Can we walk it?”
“Group 11! No we can’t!” etc

As we entered the field a weird, happy feeling went through us all. Was it was self-satisfaction? Knowing that as a group we had worked together and completed our expedition? No, it was simply the fact that we would be going home soon to sit in front of the T.V and feel whole again. We had our bags checked and surprisingly our emergency rations were untouched. This was possibly due to the fact that they were things that we had found at the very back of the kitchen cupboard such as crisps which were so old that to any unsuspecting individual, they would pass off as dried leaves.
We were given the all clear and then were told that we could now go home. The relief that flooded through us when we heard those words was absolutely unexplainable. It was a feeling that only someone who had slogged over 25 km, got chased by cows, destroyed natural habitats and ripped their trousers over barbed wire, could understand.

NEXT TIME, THE FINAL FINAL PART OF THE D OF E DIARY.