My Not So Interesting Life

It seems my infamous "P" word appears in every single lesson.
It came up today whilst talking about a bottle of cleaning detergent - Cif or whatver.
APparently the bottle was phallic - which led to Sarah muttering "Whats a phallus?"

And that's where i came in.
Lol - still remembering Milzani's drawing, well "drawing" of a ermm, to do a play by play for you all
*blank pause*
"Girls its a ... PENIS"
(could have almost done jazz hands with that - thats how she said it)

JAZZ HANDS
or SPIRIT fingers as they are more commonly known....

No, i have no point, i just thought id mention it..

ANYWAY
An interesting event that happened today.
A huuuuuuuge slanging match. A war of words. A battle of brains and blows..

A BITCH FIGHT basically.

Between the two most volatile substances known to man. Two angry women.

IN THE RED CORNER we have, standing at 5 feet and 11 inches, weighing in at a delicate 140 pounds, they call her the BLONDE LIGHTBULB AMONGST THE DIMWITS, the most reasonable talker in the East of England, Politics student and general funny girl - MISS HANNAH TAYLOR

AND IN THE BLUE CORNER weighin in at a not so delicate 700 pounds and standing at a not so giant height of 4"2 we have the "snake in the grass", the woman who's mood changes quicker than Michale Flatley's riverdance times TWO, its the one you watch out for, the one who gives us notices late, ironically the only one who actually loves me (COS IM A GOOD GIRL!). The most lenghty talker in the East, teacher and general wank its Mrs LITTLEMORRRRRE, known to her beloved fans as Mrs (not so).

*CONTINUED*

Okay, here's the situation. Basically, there was a misunderstanding and Littlemore thought Hannah said something that she didnt, so she shows her dissaproval to the other members of the class. Members of the class turn out to be Hannahs closest friends. Bad move for the L-more.

ANyways, highly upset and distraught b ythis situation, our dear Machete comes to find L-more at lunch. (Not hard seeing that she's the form tutor..)

*ROUND ONE (in my own words)*
DING!

Machet: I hear you have a problem with me
*CUE the whole of 12L to silence - quite obviously*
L-More- *sigh* Im not in the mood for a court case Hannah.
Machet "I am offended that you have been saying stuff behind my back. If you have a problem you should be voicing it to me."
L-More- *sigh* Lets not have the dramatics. Lets take this outside.
(Katie comes as a witness)

*CUE the whole of 12L to slowly inch towards the door*

Machet- "I am offended by the fact that you not only talked about me behind my back, but you spoke to my friends and fellow students."
L-More - "something incoherent "
*cue 12L to stand ears to the wall*
Then we leave the form room into the ring because we are simply "getting things from our lockers Mrs Littlemore!.."

And THATS when the hard hits are made.

Machet - "If you have a problem you should talk to me or a teacher."
L-More - *flailing* *insert some sarcastic remark about maturity*
Machet- *cuts in* Not to my fellow students who arent involved.
L-More still unable to find a reply <..2.. going, going>
Machet- *for the final hit* "I'm sorry but i find that highly unprofessional"
*the whole corridor flinches*
AND L-More has been FLOORED!

DING DING DING! We have a winner! However L-More gets points for the high *sigh* content. Riveting stuff.

Wow high quality drama with an equally high quality transcript there...
Meh.
This has been me, the commentator, ringside from the AHS sixthform corridor. We've had cat fights and harsh blows, but never before have I seen such a show of words from true pro's. Two highly intellectual people against each other make good fights! Join us next time for when Hannah V Littlemore - Parent Phonecall.....

Ps ( after that 12L continued to watch Ferngully - one of the best fairy/environment films EVER - hooray hooray do the happy dance...)
Ahem.

- said the pirate in that Capital One advert...

Lol, no im not going to go on about what i HAVE found in certain people's wallets COUGH COUGH sweet wrappers indeed! But maybe that would be an interesting blog for next time...

Anyway my point being - well. Some of you, most of you, may have received the oh so familiar green capital one pen in the post. We have about 5 in this household.
Well, anyway MINE HAS RUN OUT.
Highly exciting news Im sure, but how often do biros ever run out?
Okay, i know they do run out, but that really doesnt happen to me.
I lose the pen before it runs out of ink. Or i break the pen before it runs out of ink. Or it explodes in my pocket before running out of ink. Or i lend it to Chaz/Stophig and never see it again.
lol EITHER WAY it doesnt happen to me.

Alas farewell Capital One pen - hello Capital One pen number 2..

MOVING ON

lol dontcha just love it when someone tells you about something that happened that you werent meant to know about and now you do? Well, my friend Mr B certainly thinks so. What are you going to do? What ARE you going to do? Basically me and Mr B think you'r screwed. *whispers* Forever....
What should Mr B do?
a) Confront them
b) Have a mud wrestling match
c) Toy with their mind.

I personally choose c). That uns always a winner...

.....Okay okay, enough on-blog provoking :)

Third topic on the agenda. (Hidden agenda la la)

I forgot to tell you all. lol Well, i forgot to ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD that when i got back from HK, my fish was REALLY REALLY REALLY fat.
Like really really.
Because befoe we went we bought a timed feeder thing that goes round and round depositing fish pellets in every hour or so.
Failed to read the "for 3 fishes or more" message.
Hence my fish now looks 7 months pregnant. And then some.

And who said fishes were easy to keep?!?

Lol, InDelirium are performing Friday May 6th at The MultiCultural Centre in Aylesbury, alongside AGS bands - HERE BE DRAGONS and SIGNIFY

Tickets are a fiver (standard - and a BARGAIN compared to say, i dunno, a Greenday gig. Only a 1/6 of the price!! WOW )
ID EP's will be on sale. (Buy them please)
And yes i know that looks like ID, EP's - but unfortunately we don't supply ID to just anyone... (speak to me later ;) ) We are so gonna over run this place with AGS and AHSers lol

But yes. Buy tickets from ANY band member - ME preferably (because i want to WIN the ticket selling race - but dont tell the others its a race. They dont know yet. hahha!)

Erm... Times are 8pm onwards I think. Will clarify later.
It will be AWESOME
I will wear minimal clothing
The rest of InDelirium will be naked.

IT WILL BE AWESOME

lol yes... Any questions, just ask. Can't promise I'll know the answer but I promise I will give the most convincing "Hmm, I'm thinking" face you will ever see.

Much love to you all
And cheers to everyone whos commented on the EP so far. We need as much constructive crit as we can get in order to make it the best it can be for May 6th.
And no, Zoe is a ugly get who can't sing won't help us. But, it may do wonders for her ego (Gosh guys, a few more comments like that and i wont be able to get through the door!! :O )

FINALLY a big EEEEE to everyone that knows about the EEEsome news. And a big "I HATE YOU, YOU ARE ALL GAYTARDS" to everyone else that knows about the EEEsome news. (So far that's most of the guys apart from the Canadian :D )

Heeeeeeeeee.
Conclusion - MAY 6th - BE THERE or just buy a ticket n EP from me SOON otherwise I, Queen Chav, will hunt you dahhhn. Innit.

Oh dear oh dear, i think giong on that long break has broken my bloggin habit.....
IM CURED. lol

Anyways, the Grease MC London Trip on sat was GREAT. I was sitting in the second row crying at Kevin Spacey's (K-PAX!) "crazy man named Ben" - and i felt cultured. Y'know, sitting there enjoying high-quality drama - AND GETTING IT! Lol, Josh (the one thats Kenickie) was sitting there leaning closer and closer to the stage as it went on - we were all just like ... WOW.
The seats at the Old Vic are .... old? Because they keep creaking with the smallest of movements. So when the actors would stop for a .... dramatic pause (see what i did there? eh? eh?), everyone would try not to move - dont move, dont breathe unless EEEEERK - too late.
The play was called National Anthems - we took great delight in finding out who our chairs were dedicated to. I was Elaine Paige lol, Stridey was "Anthony and Jennifer Hopkins". Chris Webby was Ewan Macgregor. I think Josephine was some foreign man....

ANYWAY
Went to Mr Warner's "recommended Italian Restaurant" - turned out to be Pizza Express.
It actually rocked. They got me a b*day cake. It was great. Picked up the "meringue" next to it, only to find that it was in fact not meringue, but a very sly and DECEIVING chunk of ice cream. Wahey.

Acting workshop before was great - Goodie and James - perfect couple I'm sure. And i quote "are you sure you'r NOT gay?" lol haiiil.

Just want to quickly say, cheers and MUCH LOVE to all those that spreaded the love on Sat. (Spreaded.. Spraded.. Spreadededed... Meh) Muchos compleanos for all. Not that that's actually Spanish or anything.

Ermm.... but yes, more Grease related stories lol
In my free, i thought id be sly and go to the Grammar to try on my costume - instead of diong it at lunch when the chances of some stupid SEN to try and open the door on you are CONSIDERABLY less.
Anyways, Jenstottle picked out this big blue puffy dress - which i wear in the Prom scene- and i tried it on. Was walking to the nearest toilet to check out my reflection thinking "Oh how nice the Grammar is when its quiet" when SODS LAW..

The bell rings. The doors fly open. Groups of boys flood the corridor.

I am in a blue monster of a dress.

I ran.

Lol, i thought i hadnt been seen as I made it back to my "Dressing room" (the cupboard between the lecture theatre doors) and was out in my normal attire A-S-A-P.
And later that day, at lunch - just when i think I really was the master in disguise, managing NOT to get spotted. Ha..
DBD, oh what a funny guy he is, breaks my little bubble and goes "Actually Zoe, you were seen. Some guy comes up to me and asked me if a rehearsal was on. I said why? And he said - and i quote- "Because some weird girl just ran past in this weird dress."

IM FAMOUS.

.....Bollocks.

Meesus its been a while hasn’t it? Wow, with an average of what 3 posts a week? I have roughly 10 posts to catch up on. Something tells me this is going to be long.
Hold onto your hats (the emergency exits are here, here and here)

Well first of all I planned to write a blog before I went on holiday but that splendidly backfired when I realised that about 90% of my packing hadn’t actually been done. Hence it was as if I’d, quote a MYNSIL reader, "upped and vanished" lol

Flew over to Hong Kong , as you do, to spend a few weeks there and it. was. great. *big smile* Its one of those cities that "never sleeps" and everything there just makes so much sense (apart from the stuff in Chinese where I was like EH? SAY WOT? ).

Its hard to describe, but even in the small town I went to, it was just one of those places, that had everything. Yet it was smaller than Aylesbury. I think the fact that everyone is packed UP not OUT makes such a difference as literally you could just walk over the road and suddenly hit the shops which – for your FYI – are EVERYWHERE.

Gosh there was so much I don’t know where to start really. Fabulous weather – just right for T-shirt conditions without it being bare sunny. Wow I just said the word bare.


Let’s pretend I didn’t.

Moving on! This time we went on a holiday within a holiday. Lets see if ya can get your head around that huh huh? Went to China for a whirlwind tour for 5 days. Was rather good, the scenery is just amazing.
Seriously, it was like something out of the movies as by the lakeside, a group of 5 people performed flawless tai-chi in unison. The traditional chinese music gently floated in the breeze as the birds sang from the blossom trees above. Petals floating onto the water, the smell of incense in the air.
The music stopped, the people stretched and said "Right let’s go to Starbucks!"

And there it was, less than 10 feet away from them, the giant STARBUCKS sign loomed out from behind the blossom trees.

Just goes to show, even in a quiet, cultural Chinese village, Starbucks IS
everywhere.

To be honest, I’m writing this blog about a week late so the urge to blog about the holiday has quickly subsided. In fact, iv been back two days and I’v already got so many humiliating tales to tell you all. So let’s be brief.
Holiday was great. Bought loads. Food was great. Went to China. China was great. Oh and there was a shop called Wanko which I found, you guessed it, GREAT. (and highly amusing and uber cheap)
Had hair cut and coloured- also uber cheap!
Also, im actually rather tall in HK. All the women are like hobbit sized.
But omg, and this ones for the girls, this is a picture of my future husband. Though he speaks minimal English.

I don’t think it will work out.

ANnway, that will do for today, I need to be slowly weaned back onto my daily blog intake. Lol "weaned".

PS I am now the QUEEN of hailing a taxi in Chinese. It involves me standing in the road hoping that they'll break in time.