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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Zoe's Travel Writing Attempt

To summarise.

I went to Hong Kong – we then decided to go to Thailand for 5 days – then we went back to Hong Kong.

The weather was great, I ate loads, I bought a new wardrobe, I dyed my hair, got new glasses, embarrassed myself.


I’ve written more details on separate pages to spare you. But... now that we all seem to have so much spare time – I’ve provided something to take it up lol.

And it’s kindly put into categories for you to navigate through. THROUGH THE MADNESS.

Episode 1 - The Cruise
Episode 2- The Old folks + The Macarena
Episode 3 – Another Transgender Story
Episode 4 – Zoe VS The Elephant
Episode 5 – Good guys go to heaven, bad guys go to PATTAYA
Episode 6 – A further note about cars
Episode 7- Ugly Versus Beautiful
Episode 8- HUMILIATING EVENTS
The Girl Part:
- Style + Fashion
- The Males

Anyway – if you’re about and bored, let me know and we’ll do something. I even have a diary for appointments now :P

xXXXx


5 comments of possible worth have been left
# posted by Zoe Dubs @ 7/19/2006 03:35:00 pm

General Highlights

READ THE GENERAL HIGHLIGHTS HERE

Episode 1 - The Cruise
They’ve introduced this new one-night cruise, where basically, they take you in this grand ship, out to sea, in a circle and then back again the next morning.

Pointless you’d think?
Well, basically, it’s an opportunity for gambling and all-inclusive buffets and shows.

I didn’t gamble, the show was pants – oh lolol the show. It was one of these “stories” about the elements – Earth, Fire, Water – BASICALLY it was House Dance on Ecstasy – complete with tacky costumes and the odd transvestite here or there. (Ask me to do the first 8 counts of the intro – you’ll love it. THEY USED MY MOVE)

We then went to watch some musical trio play hits from the 60’s-90’s and somehow, they ended up doing one of the most famous dancefloor fillers….

Episode 2- The Old folks + The Macarena.

Believe me, I’ve seen some entertaining things in my life but there is nothing quite better than watching a group of middle aged peoples trying to do the Macarena. All I can say is – at least they all jumped at the same time.
Apart from that, no one really knew the moves so, as of now, the first sequence is punching the air in front of you four times.

Shaaame on them.


1 comments of possible worth have been left
# posted by Zoe Dubs @ 7/19/2006 03:31:00 pm

THAILAND


READ MORE HERE - With PICTURES!


To put it straight, Thailand was amazing. Basically we went on a tour and it was dead cheap – working out about £150 for 4 nights – all inclusive.

Episode 3 – Another Transgender Story
After arriving in Bangkok, the first thing we were taken to see were what I now call “ladyboys”
Basically, Thailand has a strong history of transsexuals (both post and pre-op) therefore has somehow developed them into their national identity by staging cabaret shows in Bangkok – displaying these … specimens.
Excuse the dodgy quality, but these were hurriedly taken
This is a man.
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So is this.
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Oh – and I just HAD to take a picture of the funniest dancers I had seen so far. I don’t know why, but one of them just really reminded me of Spangus.
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Episode 4 – Zoe VS The Elephant
We went on an elephant ride – it was wicked. Though I’m amazed at how elephants can be driven – I can barely understand driving a car.
It was great – and we were very happy
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And then this happened.
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My first reaction?
“IT SNEEZED ON US! I HAVE ELEPHANT SNOT ON MY FACE”
“I HAVE IT IN MY MOUTH”

Then we realised that it was just water and we were not going to die of any diseases that may or may not have been carried in Elephant mucus.

Episode 5 – Good guys go to heaven, bad guys go to PATTAYA

Pattaya is like the red light district of Thailand. Sounds like a cliché, but I saw so many sailors with their weekend toys if you get what I mean?
And it was really rank to see old white men walking around with a young Thai girl, though it was pretty amusing when you saw that they couldn’t really think of anything to say to each other. The man would just sit there trying to relax and the girl (if it was in fact, a girl), would be sitting there looking incredibly bored.

The roads in Pattaya are just like the traffic in India.

And the Wong family decided to try and cross one.
It was chaos – with cars coming at stupidly fast speeds, including bikes and trucks, it was very hard to find the right moment to madly dash across the road.

How hard? Well…
Imagine a group of new year 7’s trying to cross Turnfurlong at rush hour. Blind ones.
One of the year 7s says – I‘m the oldest, I’ll take us across
One replies – We should keep walking and try to find a crossing
The last cries –We’re going to DIE.

(you can see which metaphorical Year7 represented each member of my family, I’m sure)

In the end, we followed some locals.
AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE.

Episode 6 – A further note about cars
Everything is so colourful.
The taxis are HOT PINK.
No joke.

Only in Thailand…
We were sad to say goodbye. Had we not been accosted by a several groups of people asking us if we’d like to “see a special show” – every single waking moment of the day.

But before we left, we went to a theme park and GUESS WHO I MET!

Yes – they have the Cheetah from Cheetos (Wotsits rip-off) in THAILAND.


Episode 7- Ugly Versus Beautiful
The children are so cute. Seriously, there are so many little chinese kids that are fucking adorable – I have decided, I’m going to find myself a fit future husband and we’ll make lots of cute Chinese kids. It’ll be ace.

Haha WANTED: A fit future husband to create a super breed of uber-adorable babies?

However, as ever, with the cute, comes the not so cute. It’s unbelievable how many people in the east think that by swamping themselves in designer labels, they’ll suddenly be AMAZING. You get some intensely rude and disrespectful people – but I suppose in the end, you get what you give, as I realised when coming across seriously rude people with a seriously unfortunate faces.




2 comments of possible worth have been left
# posted by Zoe Dubs @ 7/19/2006 03:28:00 pm

Humiliating Events

READ MORE HERE

Yes, believe it or not, I manage to humiliate myself even on holiday.

a) Falling over whilst crossing a busy zebra crossing. I BLAME HK SHOES AND THEIR SLIPPERY SOLES! (but i spose, it had to happen right?)

b) Having a bit of a communication failure with the fit hairdresser (think of an East-Asian cross between Colin Farrell and Brad Pitt) – he basically said I should tuck in the chair a bit and I thought he was asking me something so I just sat there smiling and nodding. So he decided to do it himself in the end.
I wasn’t expecting it.

c) Ho ho, my personal best. Leaving before the others to hail a taxi, I took the lift down to the main street and was waiting for my grandma and her aide to come outside. As they stepped out onto the street, the aide pointed down at my feet and said (in a rough English translation) “Oh no Miss, you forgot to change your shoes!”
I looked down. What did I see? Surely enough, I was still wearing a pair of slippers. Red ones. With Miffy the bunny plastered across in bold print.
Joy.





1 comments of possible worth have been left
# posted by Zoe Dubs @ 7/19/2006 02:20:00 pm

The Girl Part

Read the FINAL installment here...


Style And Fashion

Scene Kid Style – all the kids wear the thick black specs these days. Though some have gone a bit retro and have coloured sides – my mother thought I should get black specs with orange handles. No thanks.

As for fashion wise? It’s developed from last year but the smock top IS still around – but expect a lot of lace next season, with the arrival of mini cardigans for layering. Oh and lots of ballet shoes – with design twists. Also long shorts are in – including new designs coming for the “office”. Unfortunately, everything short over in HK was uber mini on me as I am, in fact of supermodel stature in Hong Kong – the tallest girls I came across were at most, 5”6.


The Males

Oh gosh oh gosh. Future husbands EVERYWHERE. The western influence has really hit HK in the past few years. Goodbye to the HK boys with orange hair and weird backpacks – hello to a new breed of Japanime versus Brit rah!

I’m in love with the hairstyles. I fell in love with several just from behind...

Hong Kong Island is the home of boys with anime hairstyles, upturned collars and Jin-from-Lost cheekbones. I want to live there.

And in THAILAND?
Okay, it’s probably true that the majority of the pretty boys are in fact now pretty girls – but the ones that remain. Darker skin, but amazing eyes. You know how on the street, you can walk past someone and have that connection for a split second when you look at them, look away, look back etc? You get the idea I’m sure lolol


The rest is all too animated to say on here. But when I see you, no doubt you'll get the gossip - and the excited hand gestures - then <3


1 comments of possible worth have been left
# posted by Zoe Dubs @ 7/19/2006 02:19:00 pm

Friday, July 14, 2006

Everything Changes But You...

There was a Take That Greatest Hits album playing on the in flight entertainment system...

But it's slightly true - i get back from hol and so much has changed, gone on, happened etc

Half of you are on hol - or STILL on holiday, lucky betches.

When i find the time (lol) i will type up a holiday blog - but to put it shortly, it was great - the weather was hot, i bought a whole new wardrobe and i met about 50 future husbands lol

Questions questions questions

First of all - who the hell are these new people on Big Brother? And WHO are these people in Eastenders?
And - why is there suddenly Jimmys Farm on tv?!

And wtf is this Only Fools On Horses thing?!


The weather is really nice - though i heard that you guys got storms + uber heatwave too?
I've said it before, and i'll say it again, our weather is bordering fucked up lol

Oh - and random news, i found my old Tamagotchi - it's alive!!! I think i might have to take the batteries out soon as the incessant noise is KILLING me. Though, it can gamble and drink alcohol so at the moment I quite like it!

Has anyone got any embarassing tales from the 5 or so parties that went on in the past two weeks? I'd be happy to swap my humiliation stories from HK - believe me, there are many lol

Anyways, just thought i'd get this rolling again - i'm now off to play with my new toy - i bought an ERHU (chinese two stringed violin/cello) so am teaching myself it so i can be uber
It sounds like i'm strangling a chicken.


OOOh, jsut a thought - back to the title of my blog.
I HAVE CHANGED.

Well, i got my hair cut but they've done it cleverly so it's still uber long! It's also been dyed a bit lighter - though the sun and sea has not reacted well with it, i swear i'm ginger now.

Oh and i got new glasses that make me look like a scene kid.

Joy joy joy!

Will be seeing you all very soon!
(Me and Machete have to go back to school next week though :s)

Oceana next Thurs anyone?
xXXXx


*** EDIT*** - you might like to know that my Tamagotchi has passed away due to a faulty power connection. This gives me a new record of 2hours and 26 minutes. I'm holding a memorial service tomoro morning if you feel affected by this. Flowers can be sent to my home address.


9 comments of possible worth have been left
# posted by Zoe Dubs @ 7/14/2006 08:16:00 pm

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