My Not So Interesting Life

20th Century Fox have announced that they will be screening a new Simpson’s episode in which one of the long-running characters will come out of the closet and get married as Springfield legalises gay marriage. The question is, who will it be?
The most obvious choice, is, obviously, Wayland Smithers, Burns aide who has the worlds largest Malibu Stacey collection and frequently has dreams involving a naked Mr Burns coming out of a cake singing I think I’ll stop RIGHT there.
They have not ruled out a lesbian wedding so perhaps its either Patty or Selma?
Other rumours have ranged from Carl, Homer’s colleague at the Plant, Comic Book Guy and even Homer himself.
My guess? Well guesses, Milhouse’s dad, Troy McClure, Moe, Otto , that random captain man…..
Lol
On a random note, iv made a point of not advertising my spouts of incessant chatter, as its just got to a point where website hits don’t give me a kick anymore. I need something else… *rubs hands* Lol, just my little joke there…
ANYWAY!
Note to self, don’t put Nutella in the fridge prior to consumption, it just turns into a big block of chocolate. And I know to many of you a big block of chocolate doesn’t sound so bad, but it’s a big block of chocolate in a glass jar. Hence the removal of said block of chocolate to eat is quite challenging.
You know how before I said it was like the inside of a Ferero Rocher?
Well, reading the jar it said made for Ferrero UK apparently a large group that also makes Mon Cheri and Ferrero Rocher chocolates, Kinder Surprise eggs and Tic Tacs (which did you know are German?)
Wow, I knew these taste buds were onto something, these babys are gonna take me far!

Todays gardening session at the school lead to numerous discoveries.

• Branches can not be simply ripped off. They must be turned and then cut with a strong pair of sheary things...
• Earwigs are horrible little buggers with sharp pincers at the ends of their long abdomens. They do not die even when separated from said abdomens.
• Wasps curl up when they sting you.
• Hover flies can be mistaken for wasps.
• Hitting yourself with a trowel hurts like hell

Whilst pulling out weeds (and half the undergrowth as well), i noticed a large dog runnning down the public footpath. I looked again. The dog was milling about. Then i  heard a large shriek erupt from the "dog" as it sprinted down the footpath into the field. It was a large chicken. ANd it scared the bejeeesus out of me as it ran down into the field. You know how i have a fear for poultry. Chickens are generally okay. But turkeys? *shudders*

Sorry but theyr just so .... ergh!! And who has their testicles under their chin?!?! (Unless you'r a dickhead geddit?) I do believe we'v had this convo before, but my point being, this was a LARGE chicken.. thing.. And it was running!! now THAT is the stuff nightmares are made out of...

Then me n Hollis chased it down the road to try and get a picture hoping to fool the teachers saying we'd seen it whilst in Derbyshire...

...eating Chocolate spread out of a jar. God i feel so pathetic lol
 
Nutella is pretty good by itself actually. A bit like the inside of Ferero Rochers. Though chocolate frosting is p-remium. Who says you need a cake to put it on first?!
 
Oh looky looky Blazin Squad are playing. Actually!! I made Chizzel listen to one track and didnt tell her who it was by and by the end of the D of E we were bringin daaahn the house with our quali'y choons! But now i KNOW the words. Ish..... Okay, all i can do is doo-dah along to it. Oh the hilarity of doo-dababing to Gangsta's Paradise.
"As i walk through the valley of the shadow of death
do daba doo daba doo
do daba do daba doo
Doo daba dooba and dabd doba do
Dooba do doooba do daba dooba daba do " etc
 
Have spent majority of day moving furniture but luckily enough no crushed fingers and toes like last time... However, Zoe managed to hit her head on a protruding doorknob (no innuendo's please) when she stood up. Severe pain i assure you.
 
At the moment i am pondering whether to accept mon uncles offer of going to work in his fish n chip shop for a few weeks over summer. On a plus side I'd get about £170 a week. And all the fish n chips i want. (Though Im sure that offer will be rapidly withdrawn after my first day. ) However, its about a million miles away so I would be unavailable for all social interaction for at least a week, which knowing my luck will be at an all time high once i leave. Coincedence im sure.
 
Mmm Nutella is pretty good. I just randomly bought a jar whilst shopping. Random craving... Wow i wonder what i'll want to eat when im preggers? On second thoughts dont answer that. Im sure the thought of me passing on my genes to the unsuspecting people of future scares the bejeesus out of you. Well, in fifty years, when you hear little kids on the street approving of things with "Deesh!" and cursing by yelling "Ahhh jizzwanks!",  you'll know exactly who's influence that was...


<>

We’re back!!!
And we’v all got tans!!!!
Lol, Derbyshire was a blast, bar the cow pats, the flies and the horrible campsite who’s toilet had no lock, no light, and a big gaping hole where the window should be…. Wheee.
Naturallement, the D of E Diary series will soon have another addition and become a trilogy so I wont go into tremendous detail …. Yet.
Numerous highlights, to mention a few, running down steep hills, getting caught taking short cuts, getting lost in an army firing range thing, finding a smoke grenade and bullets…. Etc etc etc (If you D of E-ers have any more please email them to me so I can put them into DofED3)
Pictures are being downloaded as I type all 90 of them… but alas, no big controversial ones like last years Ward and Martin….. or are there? I sense a big influx on the Orange Locker soon...

Anyways!!
Job interview for Boots. I think it went okay, though I thin I crushed the interviewer's hand with my "firm handshake" My dad says that a firm handshake is like key or something? But yes… maybe I should have practised a bit more with the dressing gown on the back of the door…

Oh yeah, turns out i lost a third of a stone (bugger), which i immediately put on at my Uncles restaurant yesterday, where we sat there from 2.30 til 7.30 and ate starters, then dessert, then main courses, then dessert again. Wooo!
Nothing to soothe aching bones like five hours of eating ... for free!

There was Beth Jones
And there was Chaz.
Hollie, Elly
And there's Haz
Christina
And Zoe
We are doing,
D of E
 
la la la lala la la lala la la etc
 
Hope you all have fun whilst we're all trekking away in Derbyshire.  He he Sheeeep.
You all get four days of PEACE.
Talk to you soon. (if we survive .... four days. IM GOING TO DIE!)
 
PS - Ponney was fun, we should do that again sometime. Just find a clearing that's not littered with condoms/bottles/syringes .....
 
This is tiny writing

Wow Blogger has gone waaay up in the world. Theres all kinds of random buttons on this majiggy. What does this button do? OMG! TOO COOL .
I can post in colour!!! Unfortunaately, this may result in your browser taking aaages to upload, and apologies to those of you with uber slow connections but LOOK!! ITS RED!! Oooh, i have an idea.  Lets make this post INTERACTIVE! o you have to do more than just read and nod agreeingly.
This is an ideal format for when people have "jokes" or "Riddles" (why did i put quotations by that?) and they dont want to show the answer, but dont want to have to post it on later. Basically. What you have to do is put the answer in white, so that when the person higlights it (it shows up) <-- Highlight
 
Whats red, green and orange but in truth is blue?
I have no fucking idea, i just thought i'd try this out          
 
Moving on!
Zoe handed in her apps for Boots and less than an hour she received a call offering her an interview! (However she was still out shopping so leave a tone after the beep! But yes. I then went and asked around a bit before getting an application form for *wait for it!*  *okay, wait some more!*
And what the hey, a bit of highlighting for fun ---> THORNTONS!!!
 
I KNOW! HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?! (Cue those of you who didnt highlight to highlight expecting to find something like "Personal Assisstant to Brad Pitt")
Oooh, iv just had a sneaky thought (No NOT one of those kinds of thoughts you perve) I could write a WHOLE blog in white and then just press post, so that no one except the regulars, would know how to read it!! Unless they HAD some common sense.

"Ahh jizzwanks!"

OoOOooh "block quote!"  lol .... soo....
 
I got bitten by an ant today. So then just to spite it, i went and smothered it in a dollop of ant powder.  (Yes people, thats how i get my kicks nyaaah power nyaaah...) 
...La la la...

And there i was, sitting on an Amp outside my school gates. Random i know, but now as random as this.
"Excuse me but are you horny?"
Yes you heard. And what made it more random was that it came from the mouths of five Grangers. Of the small young variety. (And I wonder why Shyam calls me a cradle snatcher...) And yes, i was like, excuuse me? And how old are you? Twelve years of age, i was eagerly informed.

SO we spent the next five minutes playing the "guess how old I am, no ME! Guess how old HE is" game. Believe me, i was getting pretty tired of this game so eventually, after dogding the initial question, they figured that i wasnt going to play their little mind game and left me alone. And then about 4 seconds later, Shyam And Spangus, whom i was waiting for, came into view. And then laughed when i told them my story. Plebs.

Anyways, today iwent to see SHrek 2 (£3.50! Its Bargain Tuesday duh) and it was pretty good. Just a quick word for those who havent seen it. STAY until the first credits have rolled because thers a really really really cute bit at the end of the first credits.. Lol mutant babies. However i was halfway out the door with about half the audience (we were wondering why some people remained) so we all got stuck in the doorway... Plebs.

Yeah, its 11 o clock, im bored, im tired. Blah. N'night.

I really did have something of relevance to say today.... no doubt it was about something pointless and irrelevant to you ... like Blazin Squad. But it was ... blah, dont you just hate it when you forget stuff that ... you dont want to forget?
Hmm? lol

OMG! i have found a NEW food delicacy... thing. Okay, i know it sounds gross but i went to M+S recently and bought (because it was an introductory offer) - CHEESE POPCORN.
It sounds manky doesnt it? But its soooo yum!. Think Wotsits, but without the poofy stuff that gets stuck in your teeth and all those colourings and flavourings....
Hmm do i detect that soon we'll be reading: "a new taste experience coming to a cinema near you" CHEESY POPCORN! Dah dah!!!

Ok, nothing of relevance here people. Move on

Well where do i start... nothing much has happened over in MYNSIL though i have finally adjusted the shoutyouties so that they display the REAL time not the american time.

Ermmmm..... random newsage... 18th July - Party in The Park - MK stylee. Machete will be backing as per usual so go and see that.
Wow i really have nothing of interest to say today.... I collected £2.50 in coppers .... Im going to put them in the bank just to see them get pissed off when they have to count them because they dont take your word for it when you deposit money....

A big heyho to ChazBaz in the Big Apple at the momento. Where they are experiencing good weather at around 25 degrees C compared to Londons 15 degrees. And then again the weather in Derbyshire is about 13 degrees (unlucky!). AND SHE'D STILL RATHER GO ON THE D OF E!
BTW talking of D of E - whens our kitcheck?! No one knows!
ANd Miner Matt are you going on the D of E or not? Oh the confusion....
Oh yeah, also announcing the arrival of Drunken Bear aka DHM aka Dan Hughes-Morgan in one of the D of E groups (Shyams one)
hehe... fresh meat......

Wow this is a long blog for someone who has nothing to say...

I have officially dropped my phone too many times and now have to have a crappy loan phone whilst its being repaired. Oh ilove guarantees :) The loan phone, I can operate... just! Well, saying that, I cant really, but will explain later.

Yesterday I went to go and see Harry Potter POA – FINALLY!! (Yes it was bargain Tuesday)
And I have to say, I LOVE SEAMUS! Lol, oirish! OR something. And my oh my is Ron looking fitter or what? And Malfoy would if he CUT HIS HAIR!! Ewww its like somethings died on his forehead!
And yes. Go Seamus! Lol whilst watching it I was like, IV MET THEM!! Everytime Neville or the twins came on. My parents were like “WE KNOW!!”
I thought it was pretty good. We were meant to see SHrek 2 but it had sold out. Bollocks. But hey, Harry Potter is good enough for me.

Today I went to this retail training course in Milton Keynes Centre. Just basically listening to speakers, watching videos, learning about interviews, CVs and what not. About 12 people turned up. 8 of whom were bloke folk so ZOE was happy! (Quite) Especially since at the end of the day, Zoe walked out with an idea of how to write a CV, a knowledge of how to shoplift AND a few new additions to her mobile phone.

Now you will have remembered that I can hardly operate my loan phone as iv had it about all of 2 hours. Hence imagine the scene of “Do you want my number?” “Yeah, *hands phone over* just …. put it in there…. somehow…”

*sigh*
Well at least this time they had ENOUGH certificates for everyone!

Im back from holiday, bloggin on schedule as duly noted before. Higlights/ Lowlights
Kendall Mint Cake is LUSH! Its puuure sugar but all solid and nice and I think i shall stock up on some before we go on the D of E. Yes.
Thats all The Lake District is. Because in truth, its all hills, cows, sheep and more hills. Add hiker boots and an exceptionally catchy chant (Who's Group Five? La la la la etc) and VOILA its the DofE expedition in one.
My favourtie moment has to be when visiting this random Priory in the middle of nowehere. It had been around for centuries and centuries and was all tranquil and delicate. Birds singing in the trees and the somewhat peaceful bleating of sheep, the rustle of summmer breeze and the sound of the river lapping at the banks...
Then our car alarm went off.
My apologies to the monks.

Oh, and even after a visit to the remains of one of the Roman Empire's greatest feats of engineering, my mother still insists on calling it "Adrian's Wall"

Old dog, new tricks... c'est impossible.

Well it has been eventful recently.
Yesterday went to a Malaysian restaurant called “The Malaysian Restaurant” – extra points for originality there! And had a good time, eating things that I couldn’t even pronounce- and it was GREAT!

Today, went into school to finish D of E stuff (OMG, its like in 20 days now…) and then went to el cine to see “Mean Girls” which, coicedentally, is about some mean girls. And a not so mean girl. And a fit guy. Mr favourite charcter has to be the captain of the “mathletes club” who’s business card says
“Kenny G - Maths genius/ Bad-ass M.C”

However, whilst out and about in Friars Square with ChazBaz n Elly, we encountered what was easily the not-so-highlight of the day. This random man, about 30, with a “spastic look” about him approached ChazBaz, greeting her and rubbing his hand up and down her arm before walking away smiling.
Evidently by the look on her face, she did not know him as she squealed “EWW!”
And uselessly, it was then that the advice form the self-defence lessons (including a large shout of BACK OFF!) came to mind. However by then it was too late to say anything and though the idea of running after him wielding our umbrellas seemed very appealing, he was long gone before Chaz had gotten over the initial shock.

We went to Vale, and saw the hobos gathered in the bandstand thus leading to a song and dance called “Oh dear, hobos in the bandstand” to the tune of “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” ….. Went back into school and met ChizBiz who incidentally was hysterical over an incident that had happened to her earlier too.
“I was in town and this middle aged man just came up to me asking me how I was before…”
“STROKING YOUR ARM?”
Cue the frantic jumping about and screeching of “I KNOW!”s

So yes. Anyway! Just a warning for those who will be going out to Aylesbury town wearing sleeveless tops. He likes the feel of white bare skin we concluded. This includes boys with long hair as he didn’t seem to be the type that would be bothered.

Tonight am going to the easycinema to go see The Day After Tomoro (again) which will cost me a mere 250 pennies. And then the day after, I am going to El Lake District so you won’t hear from me until about Tuesday evening.

Enjoy the silence.

LOOL
The band that turns many of you into bitter angry young people. The song that makes you want to hit things. Break things. Throw things against the wall. Yes, im talking about Blazin Squad and their debut single Crossroads.
Today Zoe was watching KiSS (music channel) and what comes up?
"Mmm, and we pray and we pray and we pray and we pray"
*Zoe sings along*
"Every day every day every day"
*Zoe wonders since when did Blazin squad have three black guys in it?*
"And we pray and we pray and we pray and we pray" (give some credit for the lyrics people :P )
*Zoe (who still hasnt woken up properly) says to herself "new video eh?" and continues singing*

"See you at the crossroads, crossroads, cro .... Wait a minute!"
Who the hell are Bone Thugs N Harmony? And what have they done with Blazin Squad?!
LoL, panic over, I realised it was in fact a dare i say it - COVER version. Ahaha, you know, i never though a Blazin Squad would ever be covered. Wow. Before you know it, you'll see N.E.R.D releasing Flip Reverse.... that was a good song ....

Also, to move on swiftly. The beauteous Chizzel Bizzel has done a piece of artwork depicting the struggle that we face on the D of E. You can see it in The Orange Locker DofE Picture Section

Lol, talking of D of E, Iv just sent Hickson that delightful picture of Martin n Ward
He says "Holy hell, I think Im gonna go drink a pint of bleach"
....Sweet Dreams!