My Not So Interesting Life

I interrupt a blog update with recent news just in.

The Concrete Cows have been vandalised.

I shall now pause gracefully while you all clamber back onto your chairs and compose yourselves.

For like the fifth time (in my memory), the MK landmarks have been completely "revamped". Previous attempts have resulted in missing legs, graffiti, green paint and even the kidnapping of one of the bovine beauties.

Oh dear oh dear. I know its probably like so-what? to half of you.
Okay, most of you.
Actually, in fact some of you are probably like- there are concrete cows in Milton Keynes? Wtf?

But yes, for those of you who have been Chez Moi, I would have most likely taken you there to gawp and marvel.
And then play the "lets freak out the motorists" game. MEMORIES.
Anyway the fact that they are literally down the road from me seems to have formed some bond between us so I am actually quite ... i dont even know. *sigh* Maybe its the heat getting to my head but i feel in a sombre mood right now.

I think its *pause for effect*... an udder disgrace
(As is my razor sharp wit these days lol *hits head*)

MOVING ON!

I'd also like to inform you that all members of the visiting family have FINALLY gone! Yes, last time i updated, we were about to be bothered, i mean, honoured with their presence, by 4 sets of A's+U's who had decided to visit us from the four corners of England.
(And by four corners I mean, 1 from the city, 1 from the country, 1 from the seaside and 1 from Wales)

Anyways, this was like ... Sunday morning.
We went out - shopping of course- I BOUGHT NEW SHOES! THEY ARE SO LUSH! THEY ARE BROWN WEDGES WITH BALLERINA RIBBONS! - but, enough of that for now.
No doubt, the lucky people amongst you will get a personal account and full stitch-by-seam description of your own :)

Erm, then they gambled for most of the evening before we all went out again. Lol, this isnt the first or second time I've blogged about "The Family", you guys know what theyre like. BUT! And with a big BUT this time (lol big butt lol)
They're learning!
For those that don't recall, last time I woke up early in the morning only to find several members of the family slumped across an assortment of makeshift beds. IE being the kitchen table, the rug etc etc
However this time - they figured out the reclining action and actually used the sofas!! Not bad not bad at all.
I dont know, i can just relate this to something like monkeys using sticks as primitiev tools.
Its a big step for me lol

Anyways, half of them left later that day (once they were ok'd to drive lol) but several remained. I managed to fend them off by putting on "Bride and Prejudice" to which many of them got up and joined in the action. *hits head*
I,of course, had no time for that as exams were coming soon and I would be revising in my room. Of course.

(Like none of you have ever done that lol)

So yeah the "lunchtime" visit turned into a two night affair but now..... now the house is still. And its nice :)
Though I did find a random socks in the sofa this afternoon and while I was feeding the rabbit, I found a pair of cufflinks in the garden.
Yeah. Exactly. Even I'm like wtf?

God I really really really hope I'm not going to be like that when I'm older.

Okay, i know the idea of me reproducing is enough to send you into spastic fits but I was simply being .... I dont even know. Anyway heres the part where i move on to the topic of my blog. Lets walk.

First of all it was Bebo. 16 rejections later, I think my views on signing your damn books is clear.
And now, here comes RINGO. Bebo with a vengeance. In fact, if i didnt know any better, I'd think theses were names of some kind of horror film.

Well frankly. I REFUSE.
Reject reject reject.
And why? I hear you ask. (go on, say it, you know you want to)

Why Zoe, oh great god of the
sea?

Well to be honest, I don't really mind if you don't know my address off the top of your head. I don't really mind if you don't even know my birthday. Having some computer to remind you really kind of renders the whole idea of remembering such details pointless.
(Wow i think i managed a DOUBLE contradiction this time.)

Okay in the past I did do a few Birthday Alarms - Note if you see "It is "Zoe Your God"s birthday today" you know who it is now lol

Anyway my point being, I'm not going to fill out all this extra mumbo jumbo
(I sound like im a old man born in 1919 - actually no, because I'd be dead. Actually, no I'd be 86. What the hell am i talking about??!)

ANYWAY not going to fill them out because then the people that REALLY care and DO remember my birthday and addresss and phone number anyway would show.
And it would also show who's a stalker and who's not.
But still!

Also, because i can't be bothered to reply to them all but the above excuse seems ... nicer or whatever

But yes. First of all the internet remembers our birthdays and addresses and next - THE WORLD.

(Again that makes absolutely no sense - but hey, im in a DRAMATIC mood tonight)

Okay, semi-rant over.
Random note- My SN was "Do Not Disturb - Blogging"

CAN YOU NOT READ?!??!

(Okay stupid question i know - its rhetorical - PLEASE no one reply to this with some sarcastic response *cough SPANGUS*.)

Hicks goes " must.....ignore.....instructions........must.....disturb"

Phil Cow goes "I always thought you were already very disturbed"

Hilarious.

Maybe i should just put the opposite in my SN directions from now on...

Why is that the people who deserve to win, never do?
Why is that the people worked the hardest to get where they are now, are never rewarded for their efforts?

As Bewitched would say -" C'est la vie"
*cue Irish dancing*

Anyways - I would go on about the match - except evidently that would be going against the grain, and surprising people that I'm not actually all about red shoes and Cheerios.

But yes - I've vented enough - apologies to Hicks and Spangs for listening to my philosophy

Time to talk about happy things

EUROVISION!

Okay, i know its probably enough to turn you all into quivering wrecks, rocking in the corner singing "This old Man" but yes!
Folks, that time of year is back again. And this time from the delightful UKRAINE - A boy on my bus comes from there but he's a bit of a weirdo so i guess taht's not really related. I could tell you a wonderful story about how tying him to the bars makes him a tad too "excited" but this is a PG rated site.
Plus, i'd rather keep my lunch where it belongs.

ANwyays, turned on the TV after my "intense Maths revision" and the two songs i just happened to see involved a new Eurovision formula.
"Good looking male + several scantily clad female dancers = This years style of Eurovision cheese"

Meh, it beats two years back with
"Three pretty girl band members + one that looks like a man"
Oh Macedonia *shakes head*
(Former Yugoslav Republic of) to be precise.

Lol, my mum was like wow get you.
But really, i just remembered it from last year.
You see, the reporters from each country want to spend as much time on the TV as possible so OF COURSE say every little detail.
"Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia .... 3 points .... (Macédoine, Ex-République Yougoslave de... trois points..)"

LOL come on, don't tell me you've never impersonated the funny French voice that comes after?
No? No one?

Oh well...

*runs away*

Eighty million exams to go.
Okay, again I'm exaggerating but meh- call it ARTISTIC LICENSE

ANyways, the ENglish on Thurs was not as bad as we thought it would be. But IRONY OF IRONIES. If you read the previous blog, you will note the phrase ""Don John the Bastard, being the bastard child, was dubbed "the villain" as conventions dictate that bastard characters were...."

And yes I'm sure you can guess what my Much Ado essay was on.
That's right! THE "ILLEGITIMATE SON"

To illustrate my feelings on this

CLASSIC!
Quality!
Safe!
Holla!
SHIZZLE BIZZLE BIZZLE!

Lolololol - I was right at the front as well - it sucks being at the end of the register btw- and the invigilator (not the old man this time :( aww ) must have been like -

... ahh she's smiling in her English exam .... she must have some sort of mental defect...

But yes.
It was actually not bad at all. Okay, saying that I'll probably get like a D but still - the word "bastard" appears several times in my essay. Its all legit :)

Ermm what else happened recently ... God i had SOMETHING to blog about.. something majorly embarassing that could have happened to only those cursed with calamity (i.e me)
But i don't remember what it was... PEOPLE were with me - if you remember please let me know and let the world share my pain. (and heal themselves through laughter and mockery - WHY DO I DO IT?)

MOVING ON-

Its the end of an era.
THe Year 13's have left.

Okay, tbh the Grammar leaving today was nothing spectacular compared to the balloons and lifesize puppets of AHS.
BUT - in all honesty - you know that we're gonna do something WAY better.
I mean come on! ChazBaz and BethJob filled the ENTIRE Tower Block toilets with balloons - and Year 13 as a collective couldnt even flood the BRIDGE.

Cuh!
Cuh i say!

The straw reminded me of the Foot n Mouth graduaters, and then the year before that they painted the zebra crossing pink. And THAT HUGE BRA! Lololol - random memories.

Anyways this weekend looks to be jam packed full of MATHS REVISION.
Double C1 + C2 exam on MONDAY MORNING. Followed by General Studies an hour later.
I repeat:
IM GOING TO DIE

Thank you, that is all

Thats right boys and girl, exam season is upon us once again.
(i sense your mirth)

God I can’t believe this time last year we were, sorry, most of us were only doing our GCSE’s. And yes, looking back now, they were.. well… complete piss really compared to AS.
Ergh if this the difference, whats A LEVEL going to be like?
Conclusion: I’m going to die. Lol

I was just re-reading my essays from my first year12 term on Much Ado (the exam is tomoro you see – this is my erm.. cramming method)
But anyway!
I was just laughing at my attempt to fit in the word "bastard" as many times as i could.
My final count was twelve lololol

Oh come on! You've been given an essay on "the illegitimate son" - you HAVE to use the phrase "bastard child"!

It just reminds me of what we did in last years exams.
Oh you know, try to fit as many interesting words into the answers as possible.

Examples being
"Low revenue from sales could erect several problems for the business..."
"The Roman army penetrated the walls with intensity..."
"The use of pathetic phallacy *crossed out* fallacy.."
"Insertion of long rhythmic patterns became popular..."

And obviously Biology brings you "The hair folicles stand erect etc etc etc" but i was TRYING to be creative here!

However my current favourite is now
"Don John the Bastard, being the bastard child, was dubbed "the villain" as conventions dictate that bastard characters were...."

Meh points for subtlety at least?

ANYWAY
I think what I'm trying to say is

GOOD LUCK IN YOUR EXAMS

*Yes I'm aware this comes late for several people which is a shame because of COURSE my words count for everything in your life... *hits head*. STOP COMPLAINING at least i said it! lol

You will all do great - just remember

• If that pigeon flies into the window again - RESIST temptation and KEEP WRITING
• Do not try and stare down the old invigilator man. You will not win. He's played this game before!!
• ALWAYS check to see if there are questions on the other side.
• And when it says ANSWER ONE of the following. Answer one. Not all three!

ANd of COURSE i havent done any of the above..... ¬_¬

LOLOL I'm loving how me, Laura and Machete are like" argh we're going to fail our English!" , yet we are all on MSN....

But yes. Bonne chance, buena suerte, guten tag ya ya ya.

When this is all over...... PARTY AT SHYAMS! (but he doesnt know that yet... OH well!)
... Oh yeah, i was meant to have some kind of birthday thing wasn't I? Meh, you heard NOTHING.

Anyway, I'm sensing we're gonna be doing overtime in several village halls scattered around the Aylesbury Vale...

Its all good :D

That's right, we have another gig. And which exciting venue is it this time?
Hold onto your hats boys and girls- InDelirium will be storming the Year 10-11 assembly in the AGS main hall tomoro morning.
EXCITING.
*hopes the large font will evoke a sense of excitement from the cold cold- hearted readers*

Anyways- I've been asked to try and round up some support from people who will NOT, i repeat will NOT - run out of their lessons/tutor periods to come and see us play two songs. I don't expect you to do that at all.
I do not have a firearm carefully deposited in my schoolbag in order to force you die-hard groupies to come watch. I do not have malicious threats and abusive letters in my house ready to post to those that fail to turn up.
Hell, i'm not even hiding the seven horsemen of the apocalypse in my wardrobe.

That could possibly be because there aren't seven horsemen of the apocalpyse, there are only four but - THE PRINCIPLE is there!

Anyways, basically, support would be much appreciated as I'v been informed that the majority of year10-11 are chav-based little boys who like to say things like "proper bare massiv innit" and "I'm a gangsta - shizzle bizzle bizzle" *.
*may or may not be true

Wow, come to think of it, its a whole generation of future Blazin Squad members.... *stops for a minute to look into the distance* ... I could so plan COMPLETE world domination! (shizzle bizzle bizzle)

MOVING ON!
Trying to finish my point, to put it bluntly, be there and clap otherwise I'm going to get bottled. It may be a plastic water bottle - filled with orange squash and all the kinds of things young boys like to drink- but again, THE PRINCIPLE IS THERE.

To quote Mr Hewitt - "so come on kids.. baby.. nut leibschens.." (don't ask - i don't even know) and roll on tomoro - which incidentally is our last day. (i hear your cries of sadness already :p)
However we can't do anything tampon/gay bar (i am a genius) -related like last time, as we actually have to come back in June.
I do expect to see something from the Year 11's this year though. Again, I'm not encouraging anything.... :)

AND FINALLY - all those entries for the next issue of the school mag have GOT to be in ASAP. Otherwise i shall set my new found friends (that is the shizzle bizzle bizzle boys) on you!

Thank you and GOOD NIGHT

PS- YES i did notice the high content of irony in my comments on the general year 10-11 populace. And YES you can all go burn lol

No dear readers, not another English Lesson with Ms Milzani.....
lol

Omfg - just come out of one of the most interesting assemblies we've had this term.

A lady came to give us information -complete with pictures and diagrams- on the mystical world of Sexually Transmitted Infections

It all started with a normal routine. The traditional, I'm here to tell you about this - and the general eye rolling of the sixth form population. Though, amusinglyenough,she started with.
"Okay, lets face it - we can't live without sex. I know I can't."
*cue the exchanging of looks*

Major on the ick-factor (i sound like "Miss Teen America" ho :S lol)

Actually, random interruption. How is it that, LAST WEEK she kept saying "Im sure a lot of you are sexually active, have boyfriends etc etc" - which tbh made the rest of us feel like this:
o_0 (ie very very sad and spinstery like)

And THIS WEEK, she just showed us, literally, the negative sides to being in this category- which made those who applied to this (as I do now :D) feel like this:
o_0 (ie we are never going to go near boys again)

Sods. Law.

ANYWAY! Some interesting points in the assembly.

As the assembly starts, Zoe is making her way through a box of mini muffins.

The topic quickly moves onto Thrush (as you do)
"The risk of thrush can be increased if you have a bad diet. Especially if you eat a lot of sugar."
Zoe puts the muffin down.

Next,
"This picture is that of a pubic lice- though, don't panic girls, its blown up of course."
"It'd be hard NOT to notice something that size hanging about in your knickers"

And no, for your FYI (and yes I kno that makes no sense)

1. You can not catch pubic lice whilst travelling on the bus, girls.
2. You can not catch pubic lice by rubbing against each other with your clothes on.
3. You can have them removed by having your "regions" painted with some sort of purple paint. (after which she went on to give an anecdote which we SO did not need to hear)

Genital warts - complete with pictures. Close up. Zoe puts the muffin down.

*tilts head* "Erm...which way are we looking at it?"

"Dunno, but i think i can see the bum crack."

LOLOL Pleasant.

Then came the pictures of MALE specimens. At which point I was nibbling delicately on a carrot. Which, yes, i put down.

Just goes to show -nothing like a bit of Sex Ed. to ruin the appetite.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Lol, why is Zoe EEEE-ing? I hear you say
For many many reasons my friends.
Though to be honest, you all have a fair idea of the main reason anyway - if you haven't you've been living in a hole in the far reaches of Mt Everest with your fingers in your ears.

To answer all those questions - and most probably in the order you're going to ask them

Yes I did. Yes I am. AND NO YOU CAN NOT!

Lol - my predictions were right. I do hate you all. And not just members of InDelirium - it appears that my other friends - yes all those who i thought would actually take pity on me and be NICE. Hell i would have even settled for SUBTLE.
Just a note for you - I'm thinking of several ways to get back at you - and theymay involve forks that I will pike from my house. You'r in for a treat.

For those of you lovelies who werent there last night (Esther W.C I hope you had great time at TGI's avec the girlies - oh and Captain Nemo - i bet your hair looks great)
here's the lowdown/downlow - isnt it AMAZING how they mean the same things? :P

I quote
"OI ZOE! Wheres the one that you want to do?" (who even SAYS that? Shyam apparently.)
"Well if you look to your left he's standing right next to me." (As in GROUND SWALLOW ME NOW)
"OH.Yeah Zoe wants to -"
"SHUT UP! I hate you."
etc

In order to escape them - round the corner seemed a good idea.
"Zoooooe..... Zooooe loves..." - oh god. The voice of a drunken Charlot no doubt.
*leans round the corner*
*mouths "Shut.Up. I.Hate.You"*

ChizBiz slyly comes to pinch my arm whilst giving a not-so-obvious thumbs up. Elly slyly tugs on my leg from the floor with her not-so-obvious "Ehhhhh?" face lol - how i love that face. BUT ANY OTHER TIME!
Even outside i can't escape - I can see Smooshmoose inside the "VIP room" - plus Frisky Jim, Stophig, ChazBaz, Spangus and Greenie.
You'r ALL on my hit list.

I owe you all NOTHING. Owing is for pansies.

(Though i think what I'm trying to say is.... I love you guys. May you all burn in hell)

ANyway!
Eeee-some reason two.
The gig - it went okay actually. Not so bad seeing that i was still learning my lyrics whilst in Deep Pan.
Oh and almost missed my cue at the beginning because I was running around outside. Lol but ASIDE FROM THAT.
Big up to Gops, Greenie, Ward, Smoosh, Emmaroon (and Wicky), Stridey, Hoskins etc for actually coming to stand at the front when i "hithered" lol
Also APOLOGIES to those who i randomly pushed forward in my "break" lol - I seriously just grabbed certain people by their waists and manhandled them to the front. Almost grabbed Jude from Mirno - before realising who he was and running away lol

Lolol oh and Shyams guitar broke too.
OF ALL THE LUCK
We bollocked up a few times - but nothing too disastrous. Kinda. Lol. Oh wait - I remember. DBD said he would write a set list for Frazer and they were all like we'r gonna do this, we're gonna do that etc.
HOWEVER when we got on the stage - HAHAHA you all froze up and I had to resort to reading from my "backup" set list. (Which was a tiiiny piece of paper that I'd ripped out of my notebook moments before going on stage)
And then I accidentally ripped in half as I pulled it out of my pocket.

Bollocks.

Anyways- Signify def deserve a mention for playing so immensely - AND THEY DIDNT EVEN HAVE A DRUMMER. Jezzs guitar also conked out at the end - i think we're bad luck or something?
However shoutout of the moment goes to HereBeDragons for playing their first gig- AND headlining it. And actually doing it pretty darn well. They actually got most of the crowd dancing (and by that i could imply drunken attempts at skanking - MARTIN and WARD lolol) and for bonus points JimJames and Martin were partaking in some kind of drunken orgy from what I saw at the end.
But yeah - ROCK ON and all that jazz.

It was a great evening. We sold loads of tickets. Some stoned girl was trying to hug my leg onstage. And erm... in case you STILLL don't know - in "hip" terms - the cladagh is now the other way round.
Try that for size!

**BTW - Tried to find band homepages for you.
Looked up HERE BE DRAGONS and got this lol - enjoy
And the Signify site i had from aaages ago hasnt been updated - if anyone has any news - post it.

Eeeeeeeeee
Okay okay i know it sounds like I'm getting married or something but yeah just generally excited because tomoro is the BIG GIG!

(Aka our second gig ever)

Major crisis - WHAT DO I WEAR lololol typical girlie girl question i know - i jsut thought id announce it to piss you all off. Hey, at least I'm not calling myself fat (dont make me laughs) - HA

:D

Anyways just to say in advance - I HATE ANGUS. I HATE DAN. I HATE SHYAM. I ATE FRAZER. - oh wait i mean - HATE FRAZER lol
YOU ARE ALL GAYS.
I have a horrible horrible feeling something horrible involving me - us going to happen.
(Gays.)

Thank you- that is all.

Also- EEEEEEEEE gig tomoro. Im (dare i say) BARE excited!

Lolololol doors open at 8 - finishes after 11

PS - i need to finish writing lyrics - i need to learn lyrics - we need to PRACTICE! Lol me and DBD say "InDelirium are the KINGS of rush jobs" - and we do it so beautifully. (apart from Spangus of course)

:) I'm getting in the stabs early evidently. Oh god.

BTW - if i get waaay drunk and leap into the crowd - dont worry, this is my attempt at CROWD-SURFING. Please dont drop me. And feel free to grab a piece of ass!
As long as its not mine.

...The riff that everyone remembers - (neyow nyow nyow nyow nyow nyow! Dah-nah!)

Clearly you all know what I'm talking about.

HOW CAN I WORK WITH THAT IN THE BACKGROUND?!

El padres are watching Phantom Of The Opera and I'm trying to write a sodding essay on how Shakespeare represented serious and comic functions in Much Ado About bloody Nothing.
GAH!!!!

ANyway! *smiles sweetly*
Random thing that happened, was looking up lyrics for Gay Bar the other day (dont ask) and i couldnt find it.
10 minutes later and i realised that there was a reason why "We're sorry but "Gay Barn" could not be found in our records" .... lol imagine that as a song. Want to take you to the Gay Barn, Gay Barn, Gay Barn....
*hits head*

InDelirium had a practice today - for like the first time since January
*hits head again*
Whoever said you can't do anything in 4 hours is clearly wrong. You can do plenty!!!

We just chose to do nothing.

But it was nice - we were all round Alphas house just sitting in the sun - i was drinking my Lemonade-Martini-Beer-God knows what concuction and everyone was just - happy! (uh oh, here comes the grinny face!!)
Okay okay Spangus and Spalfa were making out in the corner - but me, Shyam and Frazer managed to sort the rest of our set out for Friday :P

The weather has been a gay again - it started raining earlier actually when i got home. And now its sunny again. (I quote from ages before - something tells me this Spring is going to be fucked up)

Also the first batch of INDELIRIUM BADGES has been made. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
We are doing special offers and you will want to bring £2 along...

Ermm nothing else to write today - except everyone is uber bored and feeling really lethargic. I hate Mondays. lol ACTUALLY

TAlking of Bank Holidays

I remember we were sorting out our maths lessons and our teacher is like, and you come in on the 14th..
ANd i was like - it says in my planner thats a bank holiday!
And she's like, no school is definately on.
And I was like - thats so unfair
And she was like - its not a bank holiday is it?
And im like - IT IS! IT SAYS! LOOK!
"NATIONAL PUBLIC HOLIDAY....Sweden."

*hits head for the millionth time today*

PS all those involved in Papercut- we'd like to have a quick rendezvous tomoro break to update... (N15 will do? My form just don't know it yet lol)